Remember when I said I wrote a funny poem? And then I forgot to post it? Here it is. Keep in mind I AM NO POET.
Twas the day before Christmas When Billie told Mom
“I want to meet Rudolph. Maybe sing him a song.
We could play for a time, be friends, have some fun
Jump hopscotch, and rope, throw a ball, maybe run. ”
“My dearest, small child” Said Mom back to him,
“Rudolph cannot be seen for his spare time is slim,
Son, his schedule is packed, he’s not a moment to spare
He’s full time up north, and you can’t go up there.”
“But no,” Cried out Billie back to his mom.
“I just want to say Hi, I won’t sing him a song”
I’ll give a high five, and walk right on my way
I swear it won’t take long, I swear I won’t stay.”
“Now Billie my dear”, Mother replied
“Rudolph barely has time to potty
I’m sure that he squats, without places to hide
As he lists off whose nice and whose naughty.”
“You mean dear old mom,” Billie asked in surprise
“That Rudolph goes poop on the ground?
He can’t even leave to go be by himself
And has to go with elves all around?”
“Could be, dear old Billie,” Mom tried to sound bright
“That Rudolph is flying, delivering toys
All over the world, in one single night
Without making the smallest of noise.”
“I see,” said small Billie
“So how do I know if Rudolph is real or fake?
If I cannot say hi, sing him a song,
Or give him a simple handshake?”
“How about, my dear boy,” Mother said with a grin
We look for his remnants instead of for him?
I’ll hang from the roof some small little stockings
In hopes of catching a few of his droppings.”
“Oh but mom,” Billie gasped
“You hate things like poop!
Things dirty, and grody send you for a loop
I guess in that way, you’re a lot like Aunt Nan
\Are you sure you can do it? Are you sure that you can?”
“Only for you son,” Mom said with a shiver
Would I do such a thing without even a quiver
I’ll hang up some stockings to get Reindeer poop caught
I even hope that we get us a lot.”
So Mom hung up stockings from the rooftop with joy
In hopes that come morning Billie would find
Them filled to the brim, fresh poop for her boy
The droppings from Rudolph’s behind.
Um I love this. I love them. He better be careful. If he screws up she'll sing about him.
Right now I am sitting in the student union playing solitare waiting for my class to start. A group of girls diverse in nationality just walked by and sat down about three feet from me. At first as I listened to their conversation I found it comical. Typical girl talk--clothes,shoes,hair,boys,blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden girl #1 (we'll call her sue) said that she wasn't allowed to wear the color blue. Weird. girl #2 (we'll call her mom--cause she acts like one) took that chance to tell Sue that gangs were a bad idea. How naive am I that the mention of a color doesn't trigger a gang in my brain? Mom proceeded to tell Sue that gang members may be the nicest people you have met in a while, but they will turn on you in a second. She explained that its so much better to be around people who make you work for their friendship and prove your loyalty rather than run with that croud. Girl #3 (lets call her Alice) just got a text message. "Find out what you are doing for Young Womens" she reads. Immediately I'm taken back. Young Womens??? This chick? I then immediately felt irrevokably guilty for judging her as a non YW going gal. They conversation between Sue, Mom, and Alice continued on about Mormonism and missionaries. From what I gathered, all of them had been contacted by missionaries, all of them were either adopted or in foster care, and none of them had accepted the message of the missionaries. Mom however deserved a hug or at least a high five for her comments. Alice asked the group if it was true that the Mormons were trying to make her mormon. Mom proceeded to explain that from what she knew about the Mormons, being mormon wasn't a bad thing. That Mormons were nice people who did nice things. Mom said to Sue it would do her a world of good to run with the mormons. The girls asked mom if she was Mormon to which she replied, "No I consider myself Christian." I was so sure she was Mormon! I am trying my best right now not to fall out of my chair as I strain to hear every single word. All the while arguing with myself whether to jump in and give them all a Mormon perspective or simply let Mom have the reigns... Ugh. They look scary, and one runs with gangs. I'll let mom take the reigns for now and see if I need to interject here soon...
Oh the convos you'll hear if only you try.
Gentrie,
i would like to take a second to shout out and tell you i how cool you are and how much i wish i could be you.. i like how you curl your eye lashes and paint your toes.
love amber (who is really gentrie)
P.S. Thanks Emily for letting me have this picture.
Last night Dewy and I went to go see Weber High's play "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying". Kaylee is in it, or I never in a million years would have been able to drag Dewy along. I was a bit apprehensive (I had heard it was a little dirty) but it was actually really good. Well, the acting was at least. There was a song about groundhogs and I thought Dewy was going to fall out of his chair he was laughing so hard. I just love Miss LaRue. If I were to act, I'd be her.
We sat on the fourth row. Dewy sat next to Nick. I sat next to stinky Mcstinkerson. She cackled at the not-funny parts and every time she opened her mouth I was assaulted with a wave of wreched breath. She sang to the songs, she did the dances. There was a part where the acters were dancing and clapping, and yep you guessed it, she clapped right along with 'em. Even after 2 packs of M&Ms her breath still reaked. Ugh. How do I get so lucky. Dad was getting sandwiched by a little old lady who wouldn't share the arm rest and insisted on holding her cane right over his legs. Guess I wasn't the only lucky one.
The play was great and Kaylee was awesome. The audience needed some work.
Please observe my husband's dirty socks on top of the fridge. Weird.
Dewy says it wasn't him. I say it wasn't me. We don't even have kids yet, and already Mr. Invisible is coming out to play. Ha.
Facebook friendship is the strongest form of friendship. Period.
Seriously? There are almost no words. Oh wait...Since when do I have no words???
This morning I work up at seven (excuse me???) to go to traffic school before work. Boo. They told me to be there fifteen minutes before it started so I could check in. I got there 3 minutes before it started. Whatev. I sat down in a room with 9 other individuals most of which looked slightly less than classy. As we waited for the Detective and his handlebar mustache (yep) the kid with the mohawk says
So... What you guys in for?
Excuse me?? I am not a criminal. I am NOT a criminal. I AM NOT A CRIMINAL. I sped. I got caught. I think the amount of the ticket was punishment enough so hows about you give me the test and I'll take it and if I don't pass I'll sit through your class. If I do I go free... think about it.
Anyway so Detective Mustache enters firing off one liners thinking he's funny. I don't care if you are Brian Regan, Dane Cook, or Frank Calliendo--its early Saturday morning and I'm in traffic school. Ya ain't funny. Cue PowerPoint presentation. To my own credit, I sat there paying pretty good attention, until the fruit fly showed up. I named him Tim. He flew back and forth in front of the projector screen making it impossible for me to focus, as my eyes trailed his every move. Then, without warning, he plummeted straight for my face. Yep...a kamikaze fruit fly. I blew feverishly to avoid an eye penetration. I'm sure I looked equally as classy in that moment as everyone in the class did. Stupid fly.
Great news. Aced the quiz. I got a certificate of graduation and it even has my name on it. Think I'll frame it...
Um... we need a new car. Well, new to us at least. Only requirements so far:
