Twas the day before Christmas When Billie told Mom
“I want to meet Rudolph. Maybe sing him a song.
We could play for a time, be friends, have some fun
Jump hopscotch, and rope, throw a ball, maybe run. ”
“My dearest, small child” Said Mom back to him,
“Rudolph cannot be seen for his spare time is slim,
Son, his schedule is packed, he’s not a moment to spare
He’s full time up north, and you can’t go up there.”
“But no,” Cried out Billie back to his mom.
“I just want to say Hi, I won’t sing him a song”
I’ll give a high five, and walk right on my way
I swear it won’t take long, I swear I won’t stay.”
“Now Billie my dear”, Mother replied
“Rudolph barely has time to potty
I’m sure that he squats, without places to hide
As he lists off whose nice and whose naughty.”
“You mean dear old mom,” Billie asked in surprise
“That Rudolph goes poop on the ground?
He can’t even leave to go be by himself
And has to go with elves all around?”
“Could be, dear old Billie,” Mom tried to sound bright
“That Rudolph is flying, delivering toys
All over the world, in one single night
Without making the smallest of noise.”
“I see,” said small Billie
“So how do I know if Rudolph is real or fake?
If I cannot say hi, sing him a song,
Or give him a simple handshake?”
“How about, my dear boy,” Mother said with a grin
We look for his remnants instead of for him?
I’ll hang from the roof some small little stockings
In hopes of catching a few of his droppings.”
“Oh but mom,” Billie gasped
“You hate things like poop!
Things dirty, and grody send you for a loop
I guess in that way, you’re a lot like Aunt Nan
\Are you sure you can do it? Are you sure that you can?”
“Only for you son,” Mom said with a shiver
Would I do such a thing without even a quiver
I’ll hang up some stockings to get Reindeer poop caught
I even hope that we get us a lot.”
So Mom hung up stockings from the rooftop with joy
In hopes that come morning Billie would find
Them filled to the brim, fresh poop for her boy
The droppings from Rudolph’s behind.
I AM SO FUNNY.
2 thoughts:
How stinkin' cute are you?
You seriously wrote this?! It was hilarious!
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