Scrutinized Tanger Outlets and have nothing to show for it...

Tuesday was back to school shopping day in Park City. The downside to this endeavor is the fact that I have to buy my own school clothes. I live under my parents roof for a reason here. I understand that at the age of 20 I should be independent and purchase my own wants and maybe needs, however how does having to buy my own school clothes when I have to PAY to go to school make any sense at all? Mom and dad gave each kid 100 bones and when I graduaded... BAM... that line is cut like an umbillical cord wrapped around a babies neck. Super. I am ashamed to say that after four hours all I had to show for my shopping efforts was a jacket, a belt, and a pair of shoes. Boo. The upside was I didn't waste any gas because Danielle and I bummed a ride from the fam. All we had to do was for-go our pride and strap into the back seat of the mini van.



The day started however with a quick pit stop at the newest project in the Allen family. Say hello to residence #2! About a year ago dad surprised everyone and told us he had purchased land in a town called Oakley. For those who don't know, Oakley is about 25 minutes east of Park City. The problem is Summit County sucks rocks and it has taken us this long just to get a freaking foundation poured. You wouldn't believe the shananagans you have to deal with and the hoops they make you jump through just to start digging. Ridiculous. My personal favorite part of this vacation spot is the lovely neighbors who surround us. Let me let you in on a little secret. The Scroggin family (thats their name... no lie) hates the Allen family for reasons I will never understand. They wanted the land we bought but we are cooler. So sorry Charlie. Anywho... here is the foundation!



It has occured to me that in this picture my face is fat. Boo. I do however like my hat. Feel free to tell me how excellent it looks. Avoid all other face comments.

Good news... I was right for once

I am not a hiker. Especially in 213 degree weather at five in the after noon.

Proven wrong once again... Ugh.

Last night some friends and I headed down to the Osmond's concert at the Conference Center. Keep in mind I have never once heard that family sing, nor was I sincerely looking forward to it. I had to wear a dress (strike one), I was tired AND hungry (strike two), and we had to park like 3 billion blocks away (strike three). I must say however I had an excellent time. I was entertained the entire time and I almost got emotional once. They sang with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra and I saw a whole new side of entertainment from Mo-Tab. I would totally go again.

Bra straps+Beer+Broncos= JULY 24TH

As of July 23, 2008 I had never seen a rodeo in my life. However I managed to witniss one for a mere $15 (yipes) and the following were my observations:


#1 There are five places I find boost my self esteem. Raptor's games, the fair, lagoon, the demolition derby, and the rodeo. Why is it people feel the less clothing they wear the better looking they become? Never mind the fact that no one wants to see your 271 pounds of flesh. Put it away. Forever. Along with bare skin another article of clothing that was witnessed on a plethora of occasions was the ever infamous bra strap. Whether it was hanging off a shoulder, revealed under a tube top, or simply a wardrobe malfunction, they were everywhere.

#2 Why is it one is never enough? I swear to you the man sitting in front of us got up umpteen times to refill his Bud Light. The line for the alcohol stand wrapped clear around the arena, and it never got shorter. No lie. I couldn't talk myself into standing behind three people to get a snowie. I just don't understand it.

#3 Where the crap are people shopping these days? I must have missed the sign with the dress code when I walked through the gate at Lorin Far because I swear every person there was wearing something atrocious. For example: This gentleman here was sporting a wal mart (I'm sure of it) wife beater, an event appropriate hat, and the most hideodorous shorts I had ever seen. Orange and denim. Yum.

The girls and I had an excellent time at the rodeo. We sat in the blazing sun, parked illegally, made fun of Alex for lusting after cowboys, watched some bucking broncos, left before it was over, and managed to burn up Alex's car. Not a bad evening.

We are gonna do what??

Welp, tomorrow is bound to prove to be an EXTREMELY interesting event.

Being as intelligent, comical, and good looking as I am (cough... lie... cough) I find I get set up on blind dates more than I find them for myself. Depending on the point of view, one could find pros and cons to this arrangement. One MAJOR con is simply that there is lots of pressure when preparing for said date. Guy gets up the guts to call, girl acts like she really doesn't have anxiety as she answers when in reality butterflies are mating and multiplying like mad in her abdomen, said date is arranged all the while both individuals are imagining the physique of the person on the other end of their blackberry. Shallow. It is at this point of the sequence I count my blessings that I am female.

Guys have to plan things. I am the worst when it comes to thinking up something original, henceforth the less I do it the better. I received a much anticipated call this week. Blind dates really aren't my favorite, however I was looking forward to this one. Let me first proclaim how impressed I was with the phone call. Said fellow had a plan already! These days it seems us girls never know what the date will be until 37 minutes before when they call to get directions. This makes it EXCEPTIONALLY hard for us to dress appropriately. This guy called, got directions to my house, had a time and an activity all set up. Impressive. Literally. I was so overcome with being impressed I failed to acknowledge what our activity was. Due to the need to be tactful I will not enclose what the activity is because I desire not to offend anyone involved in the making of this blind date, all you will know is it is not something I would consider doing for fun. However I have only done it really once and I am willing to try. Stay tuned for my experience due to occur at five tomorrow... pray for me. I am going to need it.

I'm almost positive this would only happen to me:

Sometimes I get really excited over things that later make me look like a fool.

Tonight I played dodgeball. This is a weekly occurrence for me. Every Monday night I join the ladies and we dominate over at Ultimate Indoor. Womens dodgeball = World War 3. Needless to say dodgeball is not a place for beauties. Henceforth also not a place to find dates. Unless you have my dating track record right?

After playing an hour of dodgeball I was heading out to my trusty Hyundai to go home. I was covered in paint, my hair was wretched, and I was dazed as I headed outside. As I was attempting to unlock my door, I heard "ahem" coming from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and standing there was a very attractive young man who smelled absolutely divine. He introduced himself, I stumbled through hello, and he asked for my number.

On the way home I called Alex and Danielle telling them the latest. I told mom when I got home, as well as Kaylee, which is about when said guy shot me a "wassup" text. After about three minutes of conversing the worst possible news ever was delivered to me via text. Said fellow was 17. Have any brothers? Just my luck...

Trauma on isle Amber

My lotion exploded in my purse.

This morning at work I was having a kind of awesome day. No one had been smart with me, I was on time to work, and I remembered my contacts. Around 10:30 one of the regular members at our branch, we'll call him Burt, came in to make his business deposit. A while ago I confessed to him my obsession with orange tic tacs. Burt now makes it a point to ask about my tic tacs. I discovered a new addiction, faily similar to tic tacs. It's the citrus life saver mints and today, another reason it was an excellent morning, I had an entire bag in my purse. I explained my new fixation with these candies, and as I was rambling I reached into my purse to show him an example. Much to my dismay there was Sweet Daydream all over the inside of my bag. Super. It only took an hour to clean up... no worries.

Also. Tonight I was at a park watching a movie with a group of kids my age. We were all set up on the grass and the movie was projected to us off the bed of a truck. In order to find myself in the lucious grassy meadow of comfort, I had to jump a foot and a half wide ditch... easy as pie. Too bad the other side was muddy. I was the first to hop over and as my right foot reached the opposite bank of the ditch my trusty Old Navy flip flop slipped and down I fell onto my knees in mud. Excellent. Capris are muddy, shoes are muddy, hands are muddy, and my knees are throbbing like they were thumped with a palate of cement. Suppressed giggles reached my ears and I watched my pride skip around the ditch, hop over the bean bag across from me, and scamper right on down the gravel road. See ya... traitor.

Whose laughing... cough... chuckle..

At about 5:26 pm I found myself arranging things in the bathroom. My ever darling sister thinks it a game to leave all her stuff on our bathroom counter just to see how long I will let it sit there before my head explodes and I go postal. I have a clutter problem; so kill me. Anywho... while I was straightening her latest mess, Austin, my seven year old brother, positioned himself in a laundry basket at the top of our flight of 19 stairs. Not paying much attention I kept to my cleaning.

I vaguely remember hearing something like "ready, set, go" escape his lips, I was probably humming or singing some show tune to myself, before I heard a crash. Immediately I popped my head out the doorway and my eyes fell upon a traumatic scene. The laundry basket was on it's side at the bottom of our stairs, Austin's rear was slammed up against the front door, legs bending back over his upper body positioned flat on the floor. He then rolled over and sat up. Looking up at me momentarily with a "did that really just happen" look on his face I noticed him begin to take short rapid breaths. Eyes welling with tears he immediately starts shrieking "Amber help me! My arm is broked I know it is! It's broked! It's broked!" Cue panicked mom.

Mom rushes down the stairs and takes the wailing Austin in her arms and says "Its not broken AJ. You're fine calm down." For the next two hours Austin sits on mom's bedroom floor and the wails continue. Finally Mom and Dad cave and take the injured weasel to the IHC. Good news is, nothing is broken. Bad news is, Austin is now limping on his right leg. How we went from a broken shoulder to a limp I have yet to figure out. Interesting...

LOST:

I’m looking for a person, though I really don’t know who.
I am going to describe him and maybe get some help from you.
He is really very handsome, green eyes would be the best.
He knows how to prioritize between work and play and rest.
He is faithful, honest, loyal, with brains and morals true.
He loves his family and his friends; remembers old, embraces new.
Missionary service has been a big part of his life.
He aspires to the setting, boldly takes on toil and strife.
He will be a great provider—a father and a spouse.
Though he works hard in the office, he’ll still help around the house.
He is strong, respectful, humble; loves the gospel and his mother.
He is fun and easy going and we will always love each other.
He is out there somewhere looking for the one—his wife to be.
If you find him out there wandering could you send him here to me?

By: Amber Allen 10/2006

Wanted: Cleat Thief

Firstly please be aware that in this picture I am a junior in high school, henceforth I don't look close to the same. It was the only pic of my and softball I had... too bad.

Welp, looks like the invisible thief strikes again! I have a routine after every softball game. I take off my cleats, grab by mit, bat, gloves, and cleats and throw all of it in the trunk of my little tin can Hyundai. Said routine is accomplished religiously so I never have to exercise a brain cell and wonder if I have everything I need to play. Tonight I ran into a slight problem.

I worked all day and I had a game at seven tonight. Unfortunately I didn't leave the office until about 7:10 therefore I had to haul ace to get home and change and get my overweight behind to the park. Good news is I made record time changing clothes and getting to the game, bad news is my cleats have miraculously gone missing. Cripes.



What else can I do but run up to my team who is losing and beg forgiveness? Sometimes I wish I wasn't so obnoxious. Every week I let myself run my mouth harrassing the men on my team. When I came running up barefoot I couldn't get them all to shut it. In desperation I ran to the crown and borrowed a girls tennis shoes that were 2 sizes too big. I looked like a dweeb.

Needless to say we lost the game, I fouled out, and I may have caught some sort of foot fungus... I'm not sure. Boo.

Be honest... Brutally so...

Alright... I need help if I am ever going to be successful writer. With this as post number one, I will be randomly posting pieces of my work. Please critique me. I need to perfect my writing so we will start with passed work and slowly bring in the new stuff... deep breath... sigh. Here goes:

Young Women of Royalty By Amber Allen 11/2005

As young women in the world today we are judged by all we see,
We tend to listen when the TV tells us what we need to be.
The ideal lady is five foot six with long and flowing hair,
Rosy cheeks and sun tanned skin; when she walks by all should stare.
Her clothes are all the latest trends; make ups’ neatly applied
She is the best at all she does, mistakes are all denied.
Ever flawless proportioned body flaunts the clothes she wears.
“I’M PERFECT! YOU SHOULD BE LIKE ME!” says the sign she proudly bears.

Now tell me girls do any of you match the image just conveyed?
Of course not but still you try to match the portrait I’ve portrayed.
I have a secret to share with you—the world is one huge liar.
The beauty a young lady has comes from an unseen blazing fire.

Confidence and strength, with brains and morals true.
Standards held and loyalty kept, should be more important to you.
Inner beauty outshines all the outer can acquire.
Having goals and dreams accomplished set you, on the beauty ladder, higher.

Young women you are beautiful no matter what the world may say.
Stay strong and true to who you are, from temptation stay away.
Focus more upon the inside and guaranteed the out will shine.
For the beauty you will bear will be given from Divine.

I'm a blessing hog... cripes.

There is a woman I know who came into my life and has influenced it in ways she could never ever understand. She cares. That alone is something I admire. I have heard her offer praise to me (much undeserved or so I feel) and that small act only makes me desire to strive that much harder to be a better me. She is always looking to help other people, and all too often she makes herself sick with worrying about everyone but number one. She is genuine, kind hearted, and I admire her every characteristic. She is one who could read this and honest hearted not know it was about her. For now she shall remain nameless, but I want her to know that I deeply look up to her.

She has been with me through some recent trials, and last week she offered me a gift. This gift was something I deeply cherish, and let me just say already it has made the dark seem lighter. The gift she offered was a book.

Said book is a fairly small book, yet it is full of ginormous insight. I am going to be adding a spot on the column of this blog located to the right. The section will be called "Thoughts for a Bad Hair Day" (oops... looks like she knows who she is now...) and I will be posting a thought as often as I can. These thoughts will come straight from the gift I was given, therefore I won't feel so guilty being such a blessing hog. You know who you are now. Thank you so much for all you have done for me. You made me a better person and I owe you much.

Alex and Danielle

There are two girls in my life that keep it running somewhat smoothly and I think it is high time to dedicate a post to them... Say hello to the ever crazy gruesome twosome:



This lovely lady is Danielle. Danielle is opinionated, moody, morbidly hysterical, and slacks when it comes to finding us dates. Alex, I think she needs to be cut off from our little "group effort" dating strategy... Joking Danielle!! Danielle has a strong foundation and is dedicated to her standards. She knows what she wants and refuses to settle for anything less. Her insight continues to inspire me, and sometimes I catch myself thinking "What would Danielle do in this situation..." I look up to her immensely.



And this shining beauty is Alex. Alex is creative and fun. She is a dating machine and has no idea how pretty she is. Alex is super smart and really good at looking passed the moment. She is strong in what she believes in and even though life isn't a cake walk in her neck of the woods she is always a happy camper. She is sheltered when it comes to movies (she hasn't seen 2/3 of the Disney movie classics... sick) but she is NO stranger to humor. This girl can make me laugh for hours. She is level headed, strong willed, and grounded in what is right.

Even though we were brought together by random circumstances of the guys we dated, we will always be strong friends. We look to each other for support and guidance. Each lady brings something strong to the table, and together we can get through anything. You rock my socks girls!

Hospitals, Onion Rings, Panties.. Oh my!

The plan was to be home by 2. Yeah right.

Last night I worked setting up the sale floor at Victoria Secret from 6 pm til 3 this morning. I hope I never see another pantie or lip gloss again. Thanks to Matt, Eric, Danielle, and Sandy I made it through fairly sane. Due to my late night panty raid, I slept in til ten this morning when my mom came in to see if I wanted to go with her to take grandpappy to the hospital for surgery. The surgery was to be half hour, started at 12, and would include free lunch from mom. Sure.

We dropped gramps off and headed to the mall to get a few things, when we got back we discovered they were 2 hours behind schedule. Lovely. Long story short, we ran tons more errands then came back and sat in the waiting room. When grandpa came to I took his perscription and wallet down to the pharmacy at McKay Dee. Upon arriving I noticed three things: 1- the pharmacist was attractive and wedding ring-less; 2- they sold Haribu gummy frogs (scrumptious); and 3- I was the only one there. Shortly after placing my order I sat down to wait. I was then surrounded by a very nice hispanic family of mom, dad, brother, sister. The parents spoke in lightning speed spanish (I swear they were making fun of me only because I have no idea what they were saying) and the children were munching on onion rings. They offered me some. Pass. Thank you, but pass. Didn't get to talk to the attractive pharmacist either. Boo.

Nutshell version is, I didn't get home until 5 and only had 30 minutes to shower and be ready for golf (discussed in a previous post). My conclusions were this: Hospitals need bigger parking lots and air fresheners under every chair in the waiting room so it doesn't smell like a hospital, Einstein's Bagels has the best chicken, bacon, swiss sandwhich ever made on this planet, and I am going to invent a type of paper panty to wear under those hideodorous hospital gowns to add some form of modest decency for patients. Don't steal my idea.

Oh swear word!

Today I ventured into what would soon become a new addiction. I am officially a hypocrite.

To set a picture let me begin by explaining that I despise the game of golf. I live on a golf course, and have for ump-teen years, yet never once have I picked up some clubs and given it a go. My father is a religious golfer and, although he would not admit it, watches it nearly as avidly on television. The week of the Masters you know where to find him... glued to the tube, if he isn't personally in attendence at the course. It never ceases to amaze me that people actually watch the game, let alone play it. This information would all be completely irrelevant to anyone, and probably still is, until about 5 hours ago.

Our tee-time was at 6 pm. I'm not sure how I ended up there but at 6:04 I found myself standing next to a golf cart, dressed in khaki and tennis shoes, clubs swung over my shoulder, watching Jason and Dewy practice putt. Cripes. Not only was I about to venture into the epitomy of boredom, I was to be accompanied by a pro and a semi-pro (no offense Jason). Let the games begin.

I soon discovered that I had a hidden talent. No lie. Don't go assuming I was anything amazing because that information would be completely false, however, I did manage to keep up with the boys. Par, bogie, double bogie, par... I managed to stay afloat during the game, saved my dignity (mostly), and never had to mulligan... at least I don't think I did. I still don't know what that means.

I have realized now that if I am not careful I could get addicted to the game. I also discovered that Jason has a dirty mouth, Dewy drinks like a camel, and the 5 iron is my club of choice. I hate when I'm wrong. Blast.