Sometimes life happens. Time escapes our desperate grasp and we find ourselves trapped in a life we may not have anticipated. Not necessarily a disappointing discovery, merely different and unexpected. Friendships dim. Free time is more and more a rare luxury, and yet when we discover the treasure of extra time we decide to fill it with mind-numbing activities. I used to have a plan. My plan not only failed, it sailed off course, hit a mountain of problems, crashed into a field of awareness, and burned a scarring experience. Yet I feel no regret over my current situation.
I rekindled a lost friendship tonight. Years ago the two of us were inseperable, and yet as time droned on experiences drug us apart leaving several years wasted. There was never a quarrel, never a defining moment when we lost the bond we had nurtured, and yet she was gone. Tonight however, she returned, and with her came a wave of nostalgia.
On occasion I feel somewhat left behind. Being a 20 year old female in Utah and single basically pegs you as a failure at life, according to the tactful old ladies from work. I don't feel any sort of remorse for being in my current phase of life, however I found myself feeling somewhat left in the dust. This passed week our friend Katie and her husband Chad gave birth to a lovely baby boy and suddenly I felt very alone. Here I am, the last single friend of our time. Boo.
I am however just shy of a college graduate, I can do what I want whenever I want (as long as I'm home by midnight... 20 years old and still have a curfew haha), and I have free room and board. Its all a matter of whether I find my glass of opportunity half empty or half full. I pick filled to the brim with a chance of an overflow.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Weber State, Weber State, Great, Great, NOT GREAT!
First day of school. Boo.
Ok so in all honesty school really wasn't THAT bad. I had four classes all in the same building which saved me from hiking around in the heat. Bonus. However I am officially going to have no sanity when I am through with this semester. I have about six billion books to read, each with reports and group critiques or analysis' of some kind. English majors. Cripes.
I have already managed to have been pegged the pick on target in my Creative Nonfiction class. Super. The teacher was my magazine article writing professor last spring, and since he knows me he feels the need to make me look like a fool. I swear to you, I walked into class and he looked up at me from his desk, peering over his oversized bifocals. Rubbing his hands together an evil smirk crossed his mustache hidden lips, and a gut-wrenching cackle escaped his mouth. Doom. That is what I felt. Doom.
"Ah Amber. Excellent." This is all he said. Blast. He has it out to get me. Again. Luckily some of the other victims known as students in the room knew me and my flawlessness and came to my rescue saying hello and bailing me from an awkward "how was your summer" conversation with Mr. Evil-Eye. Thanks Genty. I owe you one.
Also. The girl in front of me in American lit was gross. Dandif decorated her entire back, her ear was caked with wax and peeling skin (at least I think thats what it was), and I think I heard something meow in her hair. Shower my dear. Or I'll bring an extra water bottle and "accidentally" drop it on your head.
All in all parking still blows, taffic is rotten, and the buildings smell like stale cereal. However, I did manage to remember my stash of chocolate chunk chewy bars and a water bottle so the day was not a complete drag. Bless those chocolate chunky granola bars. They are my staple.
Ok so in all honesty school really wasn't THAT bad. I had four classes all in the same building which saved me from hiking around in the heat. Bonus. However I am officially going to have no sanity when I am through with this semester. I have about six billion books to read, each with reports and group critiques or analysis' of some kind. English majors. Cripes.
I have already managed to have been pegged the pick on target in my Creative Nonfiction class. Super. The teacher was my magazine article writing professor last spring, and since he knows me he feels the need to make me look like a fool. I swear to you, I walked into class and he looked up at me from his desk, peering over his oversized bifocals. Rubbing his hands together an evil smirk crossed his mustache hidden lips, and a gut-wrenching cackle escaped his mouth. Doom. That is what I felt. Doom.
"Ah Amber. Excellent." This is all he said. Blast. He has it out to get me. Again. Luckily some of the other victims known as students in the room knew me and my flawlessness and came to my rescue saying hello and bailing me from an awkward "how was your summer" conversation with Mr. Evil-Eye. Thanks Genty. I owe you one.
Also. The girl in front of me in American lit was gross. Dandif decorated her entire back, her ear was caked with wax and peeling skin (at least I think thats what it was), and I think I heard something meow in her hair. Shower my dear. Or I'll bring an extra water bottle and "accidentally" drop it on your head.
All in all parking still blows, taffic is rotten, and the buildings smell like stale cereal. However, I did manage to remember my stash of chocolate chunk chewy bars and a water bottle so the day was not a complete drag. Bless those chocolate chunky granola bars. They are my staple.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Softball or WWF? Same thing...
I lost my cool last night. I threw a bat at an umpires head. Whoops...
I'm sorry but who ever said co-ed rec slow pitch softball was anywhere as serious as MLB? Someone needed to engrave that on the back of our umpire's goggles last night. Cripes. He had a plethora of awful calls and his handy dandy sidekick, Mr. field ump, was no help either. I'm not blaming the outcome of our game on their insanity, or was it stupidity, because we were ahead, however there is a line between questionable calls and flat out awful and they both were flirting with it.
Finally, when I had had enough I stormed out of the dug out. Slamming my bat on the ground and shouting profusely I somehow managed to cool down a smidge before my at bat. The rage I harbored served me when I managed to snag a decent hit. Umps are dumb.
Even more disturbing were the sparkly shin guards their catcher was wearing. Not catching gear mind you, but soccer shin guards. Not kidding. She was accompanied in her supporting role as moron by the cackling hyena sitting in the bleachers. Can it hag.
I'm sorry but who ever said co-ed rec slow pitch softball was anywhere as serious as MLB? Someone needed to engrave that on the back of our umpire's goggles last night. Cripes. He had a plethora of awful calls and his handy dandy sidekick, Mr. field ump, was no help either. I'm not blaming the outcome of our game on their insanity, or was it stupidity, because we were ahead, however there is a line between questionable calls and flat out awful and they both were flirting with it.
Finally, when I had had enough I stormed out of the dug out. Slamming my bat on the ground and shouting profusely I somehow managed to cool down a smidge before my at bat. The rage I harbored served me when I managed to snag a decent hit. Umps are dumb.
Even more disturbing were the sparkly shin guards their catcher was wearing. Not catching gear mind you, but soccer shin guards. Not kidding. She was accompanied in her supporting role as moron by the cackling hyena sitting in the bleachers. Can it hag.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Its what fun is???
Today I went to Lagoon. Between greasy uncooked $35 hamburgers and almost throwing up said burger on the Tidalwave I think I had a decent time. I'm not a huge fan of Lagoon mainly because I'm a wuss at almost every ride. The slightest drop or spin makes my entire insides rearrange and scream profanity at me. Nevermind the super classy individuals who populate the park. I sat next to a special spirit of a man who looked like he had just gotted off Cliffhanger... too bad it was all back sweat. Yum. Oh and he had on a BYU visor... haha loser.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I stand all amazed...
Often times I find myself in a prideful state. Although it may be subconscience, I tend to believe I know more than youth on occasion. This week was a humbling experience. Its outragous to me that the world could depict teenagers as worthless, trouble-making, people who have yet to find themselves. I am here to testify that the real image of the teen is one of concern, understanding, talent, desire, insight, and gratitude. Throughout the course of the week I discovered that I was the one being taught rather than the one teaching. The youth of today are strong and courageous and I have every confidence in their potential. I love them. Every one of them.
The week began on Sunday night for us counselors. Our training began at 5 pm and ended around 11. The following day we met back up at the institute at 9 for devotional and registration set up. Then the kids arrived. Immediately I felt a surge of positive energy and excitement. These kids were here to learn and I was ready and willing to do my part. Monday was family home evening and games. Tuesday we held classes for the youth and had a dance which was a blast. Wednesday was classes and game night. Thursday was pay day. All counselors were unpaid volunteers. We all considered Thursday to be our pay day. That day was our strictly spiritual day. We held young men and young women activities, firesides from Elder Fippin, and testimony meeting. I was constantly in awe that day. Friday was service activities and the dance and the day we said goodbye.
It was almost more traumatic leaving my co-counselors, Mike and Lara, than it ever was to leave the friends I made as a participant. I miss them already.
Here are a few more pictures to close up my experience and then I promise no more mentioning EFY :D
The week began on Sunday night for us counselors. Our training began at 5 pm and ended around 11. The following day we met back up at the institute at 9 for devotional and registration set up. Then the kids arrived. Immediately I felt a surge of positive energy and excitement. These kids were here to learn and I was ready and willing to do my part. Monday was family home evening and games. Tuesday we held classes for the youth and had a dance which was a blast. Wednesday was classes and game night. Thursday was pay day. All counselors were unpaid volunteers. We all considered Thursday to be our pay day. That day was our strictly spiritual day. We held young men and young women activities, firesides from Elder Fippin, and testimony meeting. I was constantly in awe that day. Friday was service activities and the dance and the day we said goodbye.
It was almost more traumatic leaving my co-counselors, Mike and Lara, than it ever was to leave the friends I made as a participant. I miss them already.
Here are a few more pictures to close up my experience and then I promise no more mentioning EFY :D
Friday, August 15, 2008
No Time To Spare...
I just have to throw these pictures on here. This is my EFY experience update number two. When I have more time I'll write out my thoughts but as it is passed 1 in the morning and I have to be back up to EFY by 8 I had better get to bed... Enjoy.
These are my kids! Say hello to the coolest company EVER!!
I always wondered what counselors do after the youth go home... Now I know! They have pool parties... Please note that I am NOT in the pool but rather capturing the moments on film. Also know that I was wearing a white skirt and red underwear so when Kara (bless her heart) threw me in the pool it was most definitely not pretty. Ugh. Needless to say, the night was a BLAST. I am however inexplicably exhausted.
Let me not forget my two new comrades. I would be utterly lost without them. Mike and Lara, I love you and our counselor "planning meetings"... whoops...
These are my kids! Say hello to the coolest company EVER!!
I always wondered what counselors do after the youth go home... Now I know! They have pool parties... Please note that I am NOT in the pool but rather capturing the moments on film. Also know that I was wearing a white skirt and red underwear so when Kara (bless her heart) threw me in the pool it was most definitely not pretty. Ugh. Needless to say, the night was a BLAST. I am however inexplicably exhausted.
Let me not forget my two new comrades. I would be utterly lost without them. Mike and Lara, I love you and our counselor "planning meetings"... whoops...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Gospel, dancing, boys... what could possibly go wrong!?
I decided I would do a quick update on my week thus far. Currently I am working as a counselor at EFY, and so far my life has been eternally influenced. I am thoroughly amazed at the intellect and insight these teenages have. I am constantly being taken off guard at their understanding. Here is a quick update on the passed two days:
This is a picture of our company at free time. My favorite part of the die... No lie. Our company name is... drum roll please... "Til we All Come." Gay I know. We, however have taken it and made it cool.
This is every participants dream of the week. Say hello to the Tuesday night dance! This is a picture of all the participants doing the Iron Man. The Iron Man is simply jumping up and down for three songs straight. Crazy. Utterly insane.
This lovely lady is Lara my co-counselor. She is so peppy and fun. I adore everything about her!
This strapping young man is Brother Mike. He is super smart and super sweet. He is so good at relating to the youth.
This is my new friend Clark. Although not a co-counselor of mine he is a champ. I met him in a really wierd way which I will disclose when I have more time! Thanks for reading!! ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT HEY! (clap clap clap clap clap) EFY!
This is a picture of our company at free time. My favorite part of the die... No lie. Our company name is... drum roll please... "Til we All Come." Gay I know. We, however have taken it and made it cool.
This is every participants dream of the week. Say hello to the Tuesday night dance! This is a picture of all the participants doing the Iron Man. The Iron Man is simply jumping up and down for three songs straight. Crazy. Utterly insane.
This lovely lady is Lara my co-counselor. She is so peppy and fun. I adore everything about her!
This strapping young man is Brother Mike. He is super smart and super sweet. He is so good at relating to the youth.
This is my new friend Clark. Although not a co-counselor of mine he is a champ. I met him in a really wierd way which I will disclose when I have more time! Thanks for reading!! ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT HEY! (clap clap clap clap clap) EFY!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
In all seriousness...
Breaking someone's heart breaks my heart.
I am a lot of things, but I don't believe heartless or cruel are one of them. I consider it an honor to be able to honestly say that I would rather be hurting myself than to see pain in someone else's eyes. I would so much rather be the heartbroken. To see heartache, remorse, or confusion in some else's eyes shatters my heart.
Tonight I would consider myself a heartless wretch. Not by intent, merely by my inability to feel and love.
I must remember however that the fault couldn't be completely mine. Mostly mine, however not fully. I would say 75-25 ratio. Communication wasn't clear, desires weren't known, and goals weren't equal. The relationship was bound to fail before it ever began. My heart breaks for the failure, yet I cannot feel sorrow over the outcome. The decision was right. I only wish feelings could have been spared. Not mine, but his. I feel I deserve every sorrow thrust upon me.
I am a lot of things, but I don't believe heartless or cruel are one of them. I consider it an honor to be able to honestly say that I would rather be hurting myself than to see pain in someone else's eyes. I would so much rather be the heartbroken. To see heartache, remorse, or confusion in some else's eyes shatters my heart.
Tonight I would consider myself a heartless wretch. Not by intent, merely by my inability to feel and love.
I must remember however that the fault couldn't be completely mine. Mostly mine, however not fully. I would say 75-25 ratio. Communication wasn't clear, desires weren't known, and goals weren't equal. The relationship was bound to fail before it ever began. My heart breaks for the failure, yet I cannot feel sorrow over the outcome. The decision was right. I only wish feelings could have been spared. Not mine, but his. I feel I deserve every sorrow thrust upon me.
Monday, August 4, 2008
I got tagged... for the first time EVER...
Malissa tagged me. I resent the first catagory... Boo.
*4 RANDOM THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY HUSBAND *
1- How he lets me do whatever I want whenever I want.
2- He always tells me how he would be completely lost without me.
3- He remembers how perfect I am.
4- His credit cards.
*4 JOBS I HAVE HAD*
1- Tumbling coach at Athletic Edge
2- Waitress at Ogden Pizzeria
3- Secretary at Saunders Construction
4- Teller at America First
*4 MOVIES I'VE WATCHED MORE THAN ONCE*
1- Prestige
2- Finding Nemo
3- Mama Mia
4- Hercules
*4 PLACES I HAVE LIVED*
1- Sale Lake City, Utah
2- 750 West in Harrisville
3- Harrisville Road in Ogden Utah
4- 400 West in Harrisville
*4 TV SHOWS I HAVE WATCHED*
1- Friends
2- The Office
3- What Not to Wear
4- King of Queens
*4 PLACES I HAVE BEEN*
1- Hawaii
2- California
3- Canada
4- Texas
*4 PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY*
1- Emilee
2- Derrick
3- Geri
4- Nikki
*4 FAVORITE FOODS*
1- Otter Pops
2- Orange life Savers/ tic tacs
3- Pizza
4- Any of mom's home cookin'
*4 PLACES I'D LIKE TO VISIT*
1- Italy
2- Australia
3- New York City--for my yankees of course
4- Switzerland
*4 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS COMING YEAR*
1- GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE!
2- Derrick and Russel are coming home
3- Thanksgiving
4- Family time
*4 PEOPLE I TAG*
1- Keli
2- Tesha
3- Shay
4- Krystal
*4 RANDOM THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY HUSBAND *
1- How he lets me do whatever I want whenever I want.
2- He always tells me how he would be completely lost without me.
3- He remembers how perfect I am.
4- His credit cards.
*4 JOBS I HAVE HAD*
1- Tumbling coach at Athletic Edge
2- Waitress at Ogden Pizzeria
3- Secretary at Saunders Construction
4- Teller at America First
*4 MOVIES I'VE WATCHED MORE THAN ONCE*
1- Prestige
2- Finding Nemo
3- Mama Mia
4- Hercules
*4 PLACES I HAVE LIVED*
1- Sale Lake City, Utah
2- 750 West in Harrisville
3- Harrisville Road in Ogden Utah
4- 400 West in Harrisville
*4 TV SHOWS I HAVE WATCHED*
1- Friends
2- The Office
3- What Not to Wear
4- King of Queens
*4 PLACES I HAVE BEEN*
1- Hawaii
2- California
3- Canada
4- Texas
*4 PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY*
1- Emilee
2- Derrick
3- Geri
4- Nikki
*4 FAVORITE FOODS*
1- Otter Pops
2- Orange life Savers/ tic tacs
3- Pizza
4- Any of mom's home cookin'
*4 PLACES I'D LIKE TO VISIT*
1- Italy
2- Australia
3- New York City--for my yankees of course
4- Switzerland
*4 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS COMING YEAR*
1- GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE!
2- Derrick and Russel are coming home
3- Thanksgiving
4- Family time
*4 PEOPLE I TAG*
1- Keli
2- Tesha
3- Shay
4- Krystal
I am, what some people I know... cough Tesha cough... would like to call a freak
Great news everyone... I snatched up my copy of Breaking Dawn on Saturday. Due to some scheduling conflicts with said book I haven't finished it yet, because I only was able to begin reading Sunday afternoon. I don't know what it is about these vampire books but once I start them I honestly get cranky as sin when I have to put them down. I'm overpowered by some creepy demon until I know the ending. My whole life gets put on hold until I finish it. Let me prove it to you.
Example #1: Believe it or not that is my CLEAN clothes pile. All I need to do is put those things away. Too bad I'm already tied up. Mom would kill me if she knew I was posting these pictures. Of course she will shoot me dead when she sees that pile too. Either way I'm dead... unless I get bitten and turn into a vampire... interesting.
Example #2: Say hello to my pajamas for two days and my unmade bed. Man I'm a slob... I believe that is a sports bra on the floor though which means I HAVE been running. Phew... all is not completely lost. Sorry about the bra though... Classy.
Example #3: Holy cripes. I can't even close my drawers. Thats embarrassing. After taking this picture I realized there are some interesting things piled on that vanity. Scrapbook stuff, jewelry, pencil lead, nail polish... Its a magnet spot for crap I swear. I'll work on that-- after I finish my book of course. Ugh I need to wrap up this post so I can get back to business.
All in all I feel it necessary to prioritize. My priorities are such: 1-read book, 2- breathe, 3- shower, 4- eat, 5- clean. I think I'm right on track here.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Honestly...
I'm sorry but I had to post this picture. I took this picture while we were stopped checking out the cabin. Kaylee and Danielle got bored so they sat in the back of the van and (no lie) started counting Kaylee's freckles. Freaks.
Happy Birthday to Koo...
Kaylee (aka Koo in our family) has finally turned 14! She is getting ready to start up her freshman year of high school. Weird. On July 31 (her official birthday) I took her and two friends to see Mama Mia. We loved the show. Her fetching awesome present from me won't happen until Monday (tomorrow). We are having sister day. Lunch and shopping all on Amber, and anything else she wants to do. I'm pretty stoked. Happy birthday Kaylee Ann!! Love you!
